Stop Judging Me! You don't know how I feel.

Will there ever be a time in our history when people who don’t have a f**** clue about mental health learn to keep their mouths shut?

Just what is it about mental health that turns everyone into an expert?

Do I go around telling people with cancer, diabetes, a broken leg, chronic pain, heart disease….what to do to get better?

No.

You know why?

Because that would make me an idiot!

I don’t have a clue what they need to do - or how they feel.

But if you have a “case” of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder….well, you are surrounded by experts!

Hallelujah - and yay for us!

So let’s try out some of their sage advice on a person with aggressive cancer:

  • “You know, if you could just learn to push through, you would get better.”

  • “I just don’t think that you are trying very hard.”

How about on someone with a broken leg:

  • “I really think that you just need to exercise more.”

  • “I think you are just faking it and being lazy.”

Or someone with diabetes:

  • “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you stop doing that {injection}?”

  • “Well, if it was me, I would……(a whole bunch of stupid shit).”

Based on what I’ve been through and what I hear from my clients - when you have a demon in your head whose voice overwhelms everything else on this earth, you can’t do a damn thing until that demon quiets down. Each day is about surviving the pain. And the pain is so excruciating that thousands of people die by suicide each year.

These people didn’t ‘give up’ - they just couldn’t take the pain anymore, because when your head won’t shut up, you will do anything - anything - to escape the constant onslaught of words, feelings, and fear that painfully assaults your brain and bounces off your skull.

And the feeling of disconnect is severe…like a fish in a bowl….looking out…..people are there, but they aren’t…..they are clouded and removed.

You are on the earth, but not connected.

So, when the ‘idiot experts’ start spewing their venom, words that only serve to make things worse, get away from them….far away….and get yourself to people who can actually help you.

Based on my personal experience, what I have heard from my experts, and what I have heard from my clients, here is a suggested path to follow:

  • First and foremost - all the brain experts in my life have told me that if your baseline brain health is out of whack, this needs to be addressed first. This means focusing on getting the chemestry in your brain to work properly. And for most of us…most…this means medication. To do this, find someone that you trust, a doctor or psychiatrist or another specialist of your choosing, and get your physical health tended to. Remember - the brain is an organ. It needs treatment just like any other part of the body.

  • Then - working with your ‘person’, get your brain to your optimal state (this is different for every person), then YOU decide what you want to do to build on this foundation. Find people who will help you figure this out without judgement - a coach or therapist - and start to add things to your life that make you feel good. If you want to walk the beach everyday and have ice cream - then have the damn ice cream. If you want to slowly add some healthy practises to your life, like eating well, hanging with friends, laughing and meditation, then do it. But YOU get to decide.

  • Finally - focus on building a life where you are surrounded with people who “get it” and “get you.” The beautiful, brilliant, weird, wacky person that you are. Just remove the ill informed, judgmental ‘well, if it was me’ types from your life. You see, we need to shut them down - because they don’t have the sense to shut up on their own.

As a Life Coach for “brilliant people who are struggling under the surface” I tell all my clients the same thing:

  • First - you need to know how you are built (self-awareness).

  • Then - you need to learn to love the person that you are (self-acceptance).

  • Finally - you will come to find your place in this world (self-actualization).

I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and I live a good life. I’ve also struggled with depression. I’ve been a C.E.O. and a Director of a number of non-profit organizations, and now I have my own business as a Life Coach, for quirky souls like me.

I stopped listening to the idiots long ago. Not everyday is a picnic in the park, not by a long stretch, but I’ve come to trust - and really like - myself. And you can too.

So the next time someone starts with…Well, y’ know, if it was me….”

Run!

Judy Mouland loves to challenge the status quo and chip away at the word ‘normal.’  Over the years, she has learned to embrace and use her own quirky brain to succeed and is passionate about the power of self-awareness. She became a CTI (Coaches Training Institute) Life Coach for people with ADHD, LD, OCD, ASD and mental health issues after serving for 25+ years in local, national and international settings, most recently as the C.E.O. of the Learning Disabilities Association of Canada. She works to empower her clients to live life on their own terms - no excuses - and to uncover their brilliance so they can shine. She is a TrueTilt Master Certified Practitioner, a team member at Psychological Services Associates (PSA Ottawa), an onsite Career Coach for neurodiverse individuals with Specialisterne, and a member of the International Coaches Federation. She works as an advisor for team leaders and senior management in Government and Corporate settings helping them to create truly meaningful accommodations in the workplace. She also leads workshops and gives presentations on mental health and neurodiversity. She freely admits that most everything she knows she has learned from her exceptional children, who never let her brain become idle.  You can write to Judy at judymouland@gmail.com and her empowering blog posts can be found at: www.judymouland.com/blog